4 Women Get Real About When, Where, and How They Use Sex Toys
When did you get your first vibrator?
Woman A: I got my first vibrator as a gag Secret Santa gift from a coworker friend at my high school job at a pizza place!
Woman B: I was 21, in college. My best friend and I went to a friend’s birthday/sex toy party, you know, where they have a lady there who explains all the toys she has and then you can buy them. I was super drunk. And we all bought vibrators. Fun!
Woman C: I was 22 or 23, the year or so after graduating college.
Woman D: I was 21. My boyfriend at the time bought it for me at the checkout counter of a sex toy shop.
What kind was it?
Woman A: It was glow in the dark, the cheap wand kind you get from Spencer’s.
Woman B: Ack, I can’t even remember. It was similar to the rabbit? I think it might have been an imitation.
Woman C: It was the pink butterfly kiss vibrator.
Woman D: It was a tiny $14 bullet vibe, three settings, hard plastic.
Was getting it a positive experience?
Woman A: It was a fun gift to receive — I didn’t have to go buy one myself! — but my mom found it in my backpack and yelled at me about it. Weird, since she’s pretty sex-positive.
Woman B: I mean, it was OK. I didn’t really use it that often. It felt depressing to use instead of a man.
Woman C: Purchasing it was uncomfortable — I didn’t want to go into a brick and mortar store or order online from a sex shop in case the packaging was obvious, so I ordered one online from Drugstore.com to stay conspicuous. Once it arrived it was a positive experience!
Woman D: It was a strange experience. Already I was out of my comfort zone being at the sex toy shop in the first place, but we were there to get him a new butt plug and to find a harness that would fit me. The whole education of sex toys was too much at once that day, but him buying that treat for me kind of felt like I had evolved into the next level of adulthood.
Had you had orgasms before you got it?
Woman A: Yep!
Woman B: Yes, all the time.
Woman C: Yes, but only my myself, not with a guy.
Woman D: Yes, I somehow managed to find the few good ones under the age of 25 who could give really good head.
How was it the first time you used it?
Woman A: I think the vibrations were a little too strong. Those cheap wand vibes feel really mechanical.
Woman B: Eh, I don’t think I had a better orgasm.
Woman C: It felt cool, different. I remember being worried I wouldn’t enjoy sex with a guy as much as it.
Woman D: System overload! It was almost too harsh a vibration to enjoy. But with a little careful maneuvering I learned to cherish it.
Is it more focused on clitoral or G-spot stimulation?
Woman A: Clitoral.
Woman B: It did both, but I wish I had gotten one that was only G-spot stimulation because I like doing the clitoris part myself. Maybe it’s because I’m a control freak? I’m even that way in bed with men. I mean, it’s hot to have my boyfriend fingering me during sex, but I’d honestly prefer to do it myself.
Woman C: Clitoral.
Woman D: It was made for clitoral stimulation.
Have you ever had a bad experience with a sex toy?
Woman A: Not really bad, but I’m not a fan of the rabbit-style vibes. G-spot stimulation makes me feel more like I have to pee than orgasm.
Woman B: Not really, because I don’t use them any more.
Woman C: Not yet, but I’ve only used a couple varieties.
Woman D: Yes. I wanted to get my first boyfriend a sex toy but not knowing what was a weird Spencer’s gag gift and what was a bonafide sex toy, I opted for the quickest and cheapest option: a penis ring. It was too small on him and inhibited my sexual pleasure since intercourse stopped at the ring.
Do you use dildos? Why/why not?
Woman A: No, I have male partners and I’ve never wanted another penetrable in the mix, and I don’t use them by myself since I prefer clit simulation for solo activities.
Woman B: No, I prefer to use my hand.
Woman C: No, I don’t find them to be a turn on.
Woman D: Not on myself but on my partners, yes. I’d much rather have the real thing or just clitoral stimulation than a rubber or glass mallet pounding at my p*ssy.
Has a partner ever suggested using a sex toy you didn’t want to use?
Woman A: Not yet, knock on wood!
Woman B: Nope, I think I’d be pretty open to trying anything. But I’ve had pretty vanilla-y boyfriends, so they’ve never even suggested it.
Woman C: Partners have put the ideas in my head, but never forced usage on me. The encouragement has always been about finding ways to make me feel good.
Woman D: Yes, my ex had a collection of xxl dildos for his ass and liked me to wear them on a harness. It wasn’t the pegging that I felt uncomfortable with, one was so ungodly massive it hurt me emotionally to use it on him. I thought I was going to hurt him!
Do you feel like you enjoy non-sex-toy sex more or less since you started using sex toys?
Woman A: If anything, I enjoy non-sex-toy sex more. Toys feel really good but it’s enjoyable to feel that good with only biological toys!
Woman B: I definitely prefer non-sex-toy sex.
Woman C: I’d say both about the same. Both experiences can be really rewarding and feel amazing. Depends on the moods of my partner and myself.
Woman D: I definitely enjoy sex just as is, no toys, no vibes. I just feel it’s more intimate and personal. For me toys are a great way to occasionally spruce up a routine or to mark a special occasion.
Do you think it’s possible to use sex toys too often?
Woman A: Theoretically, since I’ve never heard of this problem. Like anything, I think if it gets in the way, it might become a problem.
Woman B: Ha, no. Definitely not. I mean, was that SATC episode supposed to be based on real life? Had Charlotte never had a good orgasm before? I thought that was so weird. I mean, if you’ve never had a good orgasm before and you’re 35 and you get one from a sex toy, I think you should be blowing off all your friends all the time to use it. You’re simply making up for lost time.
Woman C: If it feels good for you, then no! As long it’s not replacing intimacy or sex with a partner if you’re in a relationship.
Woman D: I will say I feel differently when it comes to solo sex. I do not think it is possible for one to use sex toys too much on just themselves.
Do you use anal sex toys?
Woman A: Nope.
Woman B: I wish.
Woman C: I do not.
Woman D: Not on myself.
Have your partners known that you have a sex toy?
Woman A: I think so.
Woman B: Yes. My college boyfriend knew about the vibrator.
Woman C: Yes.
Woman D: I don’t have a massive collection, maybe 1-2 vibrators, all quite small. (I’m working on amassing my collection still). But yes, all serious partners knew I had a toy.
How have they felt about it?
Woman A: Haven’t minded at all. Probably they were turned on by it!
Woman B: He didn’t care and thought it was hot.
Woman C: Excited about it. Encouraging. My current boyfriend just sent me a new one since he’s currently deployed and not physically with me. It makes him feel like he’s part of what makes me feel good, despite not being around.
Woman D: They were always 100% supportive of my having a sex toy. In a way, I think it intimidates them. Like, they know that when they go back home, I will still be taken care of. Makes them try harder next time we’re in bed.
Do you enjoy using a vibrator or sex toy, or your hand or a pillow or whatever more?
Woman A: I enjoy a vibrator more because it feels better, but my hand will never fail me and it’s silent!
Woman B: I prefer my hand.
Do you have a better chance of coming by using a vibrator or having oral/vaginal sex with a person?
Woman A: A vibrator is a no-fail orgasm for me, but having intercourse is almost a guarantee since my broken vibe hasn’t been replaced.
Woman B: I can come either way. I prefer to be with a person.
Woman C: Vibrator.
Woman D: Since oral varies so drastically by the person, experience says I’m more likely to come with a vibrator. But if you get that right person who knows your vagina and clit like a butter knife knows jam and biscuits, who needs toys!
Have you used other kinds of sex toys?
Woman A: Yes! Vibrating cock rings and nipple clamps, if those count!
Woman B: No.
Woman C: Just vibrators.
Woman D: Yes, bondage toys, like nipple clamps, ball gags, floggers, etc.
Have you ever used sex toys during sex with your BF? Which ones?
Woman A: I think a small vibrator. It’s been awhile!
Woman C: Yup, I use them about 50% of the time with him, and 50% alone. I use the magic wand and the butterfly kiss.
Woman D: See above.
What would you recommend for a first vibrator?
Woman A: Absolutely the magic/silver bullet — it’s inexpensive, small, basically foolproof! Adjustable speed, and it’s just as good for using solo as with someone.
Woman B: I don’t know that I would recommend a vibrator. I think exploring with your hands teaches you more about yourself, etc. But you know, if a woman is really uncomfortable touching herself, I guess something like a rabbit that has vaginal and clitoral stimulation would be best.
Woman C: Something simple and easy to operate. Some of them look really intimidating and do a hundred different things. Really all you need is to figure out what works for you and find a toy that does that.
Woman D: Something soft to the touch, 10 different speeds and rhythms, small and silent.